Two weeks have passed since then. So much things have happened.
I’ve already been tired but i tried so hard to be a silent reader of life. He said that he wanted to help me and I accept the fact that i needed him because I didn’t have any ideas what should I do with my one and (maybe) only life’s problem (for now). I’ve decided I’ll keep going on with this messy life. He called himself my helper.
He has already helped me maybe for 2/3 months, nothing’s changed but it became so much worse than before. I never told him about that and still going on. I smiled every single day, every single second! Even when i knew another unexpected fact, i still didn’t say anything. I pretended everything’s fine as long as he has tried his best.
But then, i know this problem will have no ending. I should do something more than what i’ve done before. I sighed. I should do another hardwork on my own. I made a deal with my problem and i thought i could solve that asap. And there he’s. He said that he’s disappointed on me and my decision. I smiled.
I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t even angry to him. That’s my fault. I didn’t say anything. He quited, and i apologized through e-mail. I smiled.
I remember that someone just wrote a sarcastic status on Line. I wasn’t really sure who she meant. She said that it’s about her friend whom i don’t even know. I took it easy, “If she lies, she will take her sins,” I smiled.
When i knew he’s already known my secret from another people, i thought i could count on him. I trusted him with that. And then i know the fact that he’s been so close with her. And there’s a possibility that he told her his opinion, his over-thoughts about my problem. I avoided that. I still trusted him. But then, he ran away from all of it. If he didn’t do anything wrong, why’s he run away?
I smiled again.
But this time with so much tears.
He’s lost my trust.
Trust issues? No. I trusted him, but then he broke it. That’s how my trust work on people.
If he think I’m still a part of his precious persons-that-he-can-trust, i wonder if he should explain everything to me face to face. And maybe to another person that he knew well as his bestie.
-a little footnote-
*her : someone who know how to hate anyone easily and make people hate them too. Someone who needs a hand to help her, but when someone really does, she thinks that person only look down on her as a someone who isn’t good at anything. ( I disagree ofc, bcs i know she is good at ruining a friendship. She’s super talented!)
*another person : someone who cares about him so much and used to be his Indomie-after-school partner. Idk. But i’m pretty sure he know whom i mean.